Designing the life you want together: 4 exercises for couples
"Doing what I want when I want" isn't an answer: it's a starting point. A useful vision is specific, vivid and yours. And you can build it in an afternoon.
Why you need a vision
Almost everyone answers "what would your ideal life look like?" with "doing what I want when I want". The next question, "what do you want, specifically?", is met with silence. As adults we have stopped dreaming with money: everything has become a transaction ("can we afford this trip?"). But money without a vision turns into fights over pennies.
Two rules to start:
- Be specific. Not "travel", but "a week in Tuscany, in September, with a dinner in the hills and no alarm clock".
- Live a bit of that life today. Don't push everything to age 65. Small daily things matter: an occasional weekend, time for the two of you, a tidy home.
Before you begin
Set aside an hour somewhere pleasant, away from home. One rule: don't criticise, deny or minimise. If you are enjoying it, you are doing it right.
Exercise 1: sentences to complete
Each person completes them separately, then reads them aloud:
- "I'd like to spend more on…"
- "My ideal holiday is…"
- "If I had €100 just for me, I'd buy…"
- "I don't care much about…"
- "Wouldn't it be nice to do… together?"
Exercise 2: what makes you irrationally happy?
Small things that make no sense on a spreadsheet but change your day: Friday drinks, fresh flowers, a car valet, a ticket to the match. For each, ask "such as?" until it becomes concrete.
Exercise 3: the perfect day
Describe an ideal day, next week rather than someday, split into morning, afternoon and evening. Where do you wake up? What do you eat? With whom? And, often most revealing: what you are not doing (commuting, laundry, errands). What you want out of your life is a valuable clue.
Exercise 4: the ten-year list
- Each writes five things to do in the next ten years, then you share them with curiosity.
- Pick one that excites you both and is almost "uncomfortably" big.
- Fix a month and year.
- Estimate the cost and add 30% for the unexpected.
- Divide by the months left: that is your monthly figure. A made-up example: €12,000 over 60 months is €200 a month (12,000 ÷ 60), to go into an account with a name (say "Ten years together") with an automatic transfer.
If you are on different paths
You don't have to want the same things. Write both versions (the mountain house and the seaside house, say), then talk numbers. There is often a middle way, like renting for a few weeks instead of buying. And before deciding, ask why the other wants it: behind a wish there is a reason.
What a vision is not
It isn't everything that comes to mind, it isn't unreachable and it isn't what you buy because "everyone does". It should be ambitious but achievable: if you can't afford it today, it becomes a savings goal.
The next step is deciding where more money should go: spend more on what you love.
Want your numbers, not an example's?
In the free 30-minute call we look at your real situation and work out whether and how I can help. No selling, no commitment.
Book a free callFor information and education only. This is not investment advice or a personal recommendation. Tax and pension rules change over time: always check current requirements with official sources (INPS, Agenzia delle Entrate).